Horny Language

Driving in Chile is challenging. Maybe because we don’t know where we are going, don’t have a map, and can’t read the road signs. But maybe it’s because we don’t know the language of the horns.

You have to have thick skin to drive here. In most parts of the US, a horn honk simply means “you !#*$@!*#*!”. But here it can mean a variety of things. There are friendly beep/honk combinations that mean things like “Do you need a ride?” (from a taxi), “Hello (friend walking down the street), I’m passing by and waving!” and the popular machismo “Hey good looking!”.

But there are others that are not so friendly. The simple “beep beep” means “please pardon me, but I intend on invading your personal space and getting way too close”. A “honk-honk-honk” means “There’s a ditch over there and if you don’t want to end up in it I suggest you let me by”. One loud “HOOONNKK” seems to mean “Gringo on the road, let’s get her!”

I have my own honk language: one “beep” means “whoops, I was going for the windshield wiper and my hand slipped”; a “whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop!” means “crud, my car alarm is going off and I can’t stop it”; and a long sustained “hooooooooooooooonnkk” means “I dropped my candy bar on the floor and can only reach it if I press my ear against the steering wheel”.

I’m sure that all those horns honking are not directed at me. I mean, I’m a great driver. But today, I must admit, I did hear a lot of them. It must be because I am so good looking.

Sisma